Coffee and Crime
by Saharah
Summary: While on a mission for coffee Lassie finds coffee and a girl, but is she who she says she is? LassiterxOC
1. Chapter 1

Lassiter was getting tired of Shawn Spencer. This case with the Artemis Crime Family was going nowhere and Shawn was being more annoying than usual. _I just need some coffee_, he thought to himself, _and what do you know there's a coffee shop!_ He rubbed his eyes as he got out of the car. _I'm just so damn tired. It was bad enough when I got divorced but now that the damn psychic was dating O'hara._ He was reaching for the door when he heard a loud crash. He rushed into the building.

"Anyone here?" He yelled as he drew his gun.

"Shit! Sorry we're closed," hollered a feminine voice from behind the counter.

"You ok?"

A brunette popped her head out from behind the counter covered in what appeared like chocolate and caramel sauce. "Yeah just peachy keen." She sighed. "Well you're already in here so what can I get for you?"

"Umm maybe I'll just go. You look like you're having some problems at the moment."

"Just tell me what you want. I haven't even started cleaning the machines. The shelf here broke and now I'm practically a diabetic's worst nightmare thanks to my shitty ass shelves and uncapped bottles. So what'll it be? Soy latte or just a plain black coffee like all the cops on tv get. Oh and you can put your gun away ya know. I don't think that a chocolaty caramel mixture is gonna kill you."

Lassiter looked a bit sheepish as he sheathed his gun. "Sorry about that. I'm a bit jumpy. Detective Carlton Lassiter." He held his hand out. The brunette looked at his hand and laughed as she held up her sticky hands. "No can do. Sorry detective but you still haven't told me what you drink. But using my feminine intuition I'm feeling something sugary!" She laughed again and said, "was I right?"

"Oh are you psychic now?" Lassiter growled. She looked taken aback from his aggression. "Noooooo but I'm guessing you have a vendetta against the whole psychic community. Did Sylvia tell you that your aunt hated you or something? You know what never mind. I'm just gonna make you a cup of caffeine and you can do what you want with it. But you might want to chill out. You're being kinda creepy in a weird protective way."

The detective looked down. "Sorry it's just been a long day. One coffee with three creams and four sugars please. And I really do apologize. Do you want any help fixing the shelf?"

The woman looked at him and tilted her head and smiled. "For a grump you sure do have beautiful eyes. One extra-large coffee to tide off the nice detective until he gets home coming right up! And thanks for the offer but I can just go buy another shelf. I just suck at reading the directions and putting it together, probably why it broke." She laughed and then looked at him seriously as she made him coffee. "Thanks for the offer but you might be some weirdo trying to steal my secret coffee ingredients." She winked at him. "I grind the beans!"

Lassiter looked surprised as she pushed his money back when she handed him the coffee. "On the house. First ones are always free! I'm like a drug dealer! You're gonna get hooked!" She looked at the detective in horror when she realized what she said. "Not that I'm a drug dealer or anything! I mean you have your caffeine junkies but that's not the same! They can stop anytime they want and caffeine's not a crime, well maybe to the Mormon's but I'm totally making a fool of myself. Please just take the coffee before I have to put my other foot in my mouth!"

Lassiter laughed as she finished. "I'll definitely be back. Haven't laughed this hard in a while." He waved as he walked out the door.

Both thought to themselves, _I am so STUPID!_


	2. Chapter 2

Lassiter was in a somewhat happy mood when he arrived at the station. He met a pretty lady who made one hell of a cup of Joe. His mood quickly diminished when he saw Shawn Spencer already at the station.

"Lassie! Took you long enough to get here! The spirit world told me that there was an amazing missing clue! You missed a kid when you did your search! Bad Lassie! You're supposed to find Timmy not leave him in the well!" Shawn was practically humming with energy.

"Remind me to drug test you today," Lassiter growled. "And does the spirit world have anything to say about our case or are you just being your usual annoying self?" Shawn looked shocked. "Lassie, bad mood already? Didn't get your coffee did you? No worries I already told Buzz that you would be needing coffee!"

"Can you not leave me alone for one day? Just _one _day of peace and quiet?"

"Um excuse me?" A woman's voice called from behind him.

"NOT NOW!" Lassiter yelled.

Shawn jumped when Lassiter yelled. He looked behind the irate detective. "Um you might want to turn around Mr. Grumpy Pants." "WHAT?" The angry detective was on a roll as he spun around.

"You called for coffee and I'm delivering. Glad to know you're like this all the time." The brunette from the previous night was standing in front of him with her eyebrows quirked. Lassiter looked on in horror as Shawn brightened up and walked over to her. "So you've met Detective Shooter McGee before? Did he arrest you? No don't tell me," Shawn held his hand to his head. "He tried to get you to join his hula hoop competition group? They did come in second at the city finals."

The woman looked quizzically at Shawn. "I'm getting the feeling that you were why he was so mad last night. But unfortunately, no hula party for me. More of a challenge of epic proportions! He challenged me to lunch today or maybe dinner if the day is busy." She laughed as both men's jaws dropped. "I'm joking! Here's the coffee. Gotta scram! Busy day today putting together shelves! If I can't figure it out I'll give you a call Carlton." She smiled as she turned around and walked out of the station.

Shawn turned to Lassiter. "Who _was _that lady?" "I'm really not quite that sure. Coffee last night aaaand why am I telling you this?"

"Because you need someone to confide in! Oh now we can double date! Fun things will be had, I promise."

Lassiter growled at Shawn as he smiled that stupid goofy grin at him. "We need to get back to the case. So if you're going to get your psychic readings hurry it up or get away from me."

"Shawn what are you doing here?"

"Jules, I was just looking for you! Lassie's got a girlfriend! She makes some gooooooood coffee!" And once again the psychic was bouncing around like a child during Christmas and Carlton was having none of it. "I do not and I would appreciate you not telling people that otherwise I _will _shoot you. Now go away, I have work to do. Scram."

"Oh look. They're already talking like each other now!"

"Uh Shawn you might want to chill out on teasing him," Juliet cautioned as she watched the way Lassiter was caressing his gun and looking at the psychic. "Let's just focus on the case okay guys?"

"Fine. Any new leads O'Hara?"

"Unfortunately no. I don't know how they are doing it but this family is good. No fingerprints, just the calling card, the same picture of Artemis's bow and arrow at every crime scene. They are still after high end art and expensive jewelry. A few years ago it was mostly emeralds, now its diamonds. Guess their tastes have changed." Juliet was looking almost as frustrated as Lassiter. "I just don't understand how they are doing it and not getting caught. These places have the best security money can buy and yet the perps still get away and we don't have any solid leads! It's driving me crazy."

Shawn stopped bouncing and looked discouraged. "The spirit world hasn't been very forthcoming on this case at all. I'm not sure exactly how much help Gus and I can actually be."


	3. Chapter 3

_So I figured I would continue on with Chapter 3. Not always gonna happen so fast cuz I am in school but since it was already written I decided what the heck. Without further ado CHAPTER 3!_

_And by the way italics are thoughts. Just to clarify. OH and I don't own anything. Wish I did but I don't…it is almost my birthday though! _

If Lorelai Copper's family knew where she had been this morning hell would have rained down. She knew it was dangerous fraternizing with the police but it really wasn't her fault that the detective had popped in last night and it certainly wasn't her fault that he didn't hurt they eyes. Besides she was out of the game and had been for years! Same amount of time since she talked to any of her family and created her new identity. Eight years was a long time but they didn't know she was back in town and she planned to keep it that way.

Her family was spinning out of control and she planned to be as far away from the destruction as possible. _How awkward would it be though if he actually asked me out?_ Lorelai thought to herself. She quickly slapped her cheeks. _No it can't and won't happen! No ties if I need to run! _Running, unfortunately, was often on her mind since she had come back to Santa Barbara six months ago. Her shop was basically a sham, as she barely knew how to brew a cup let alone make a latte. She didn't actually need to open it because she had money but she needed something to do with her fingers growing itchy, and that was never a good thing.

Lorelai had no idea why they didn't just brew coffee at home like normal people and buy creamer, but it did give her the chance to meet new people and socialize, especially that yummy detective. _Damn it control yourself! _

"Stupid fucking shelves with their stupid fucking directions! Who the hell understands this shit!" Lorelai was beginning to grow incredibly frustrated with the metal creations from hell. "Well you could have called and asked for help." She jumped at Carlton's voice and quickly looked at the clock. 7:45. _well there goes my dinner plans of watching Castle and TV. dinners._

"These stupid instructions were made to anger people! They get mad and then break the stupid shelf out of sheer frustration and then they have to go and buy another stupid shelf. Money making scheme I tell you! You really should look into it. Crack those suckers like eggs at a bakery." Carlton looked at her and laughed. "You look really frazzled. That bad huh?"

"I am telling you yes! Horrible! It's worse than water boarding!" He looked amused as she once again started to back pedal. "Not that I've been water boarded or water boarded people! It was an anecdote and I'm making a complete fool of myself again. I just can't control my mouth. Words just spew out and I'm gonna shut up now."

"Well I was going to see…that is…if you wanted…," Carlton stammered as he looked anywhere but her. "Calling me on my epic proportions speech?" Now she was starting to look nervous.

"Well yeah, but preferably only if I get your name first." She barked out a laugh and looked out the window. "Lorelai Copper but you can call me Lai or Cop or whatever." It felt bad enough to lie to other people but now to a cute cop who was asking her out? Guilt was beginning to overwhelm her.

"Well hello Lorelai. Um would you do me the honor of maybe going to the shooting range with me? And maybe dinner after if you're a good shot. Not tonight obviously but um maybe tomorrow. Or next week if tomorrow isn't good for you, but you really don't have to feel obligated to…"

"Stop please! You're as bad as I am, I swear. Do you really want to do this? I mean we only met yesterday and I could be a murder or something." She visibly cringed. "Ah. I see. Well I guess I'll be seeing you." Carlton looked like a kicked puppy as he walked out of the shop. "Damn it! I didn't mean it like that! Always sabotaging relationships before they even happen! Damnit damnit damnit! I have to fix this but how?"


	4. Chapter 4

_Ok so this is gonna be my last update for a little bit. I have midterms next week and all the fun college shenanigan without the partying. _

_Still own absolutely nothing but I did write Santa so I have my fingers crossed! _

As Carlton Lassiter got dressed the next morning, he just knew that it was going to be a bad day. He just wanted the day to end already. He missed the times where he enjoyed going to work. Now…well now it was just something paying the bills. He was headed for a burnout or at best ending up like Henry Spencer with an early retirement and continually missing being on the force. As he drove to the station he thought about transferring. Some place small, but not to small where there was inbreeding. But if it happened…well he was up to par on squirrel hunting.

When he arrived at the station, he was steaming. Traffic was a bitch and he forgot to grab his coffee mug. "Buzz. Coffee!" He snapped. "And not from that place from yesterday!"

"Right-o sir! Beautiful day isn't it?" The ever so cheerful officer was beginning to get on Lassiter's nerves. _Who is this damn cheerful in the morning? It isn't natural_, thought the detective as he glared at Officer McNab. "I'll get right on that sir!" Buzz quickly left the room when the detective began to growl.

O'Hara popped her head around the corner. "Is it safe to come over?"

"Yeah it's just another one of those days. Let's just focus on the case. Any new leads from yesterday? Maybe a mistake and you found some prints?"

"No such luck Carlton. They hit another house last night. The perps beat the owner, Thomas O'Malley, pretty bad before taking his art and his wife's jewelry. They are escalating and we still have no idea who they are besides the calling card that they left on O'Malley's unconscious body."

"Goddamn it! We just need one mistake! I want to know the moment I can talk to O'Malley. He might know something or remember what his attackers looked like."

"Gotcha," Jules paused. "Maybe we can bring Shawn in and he can help."

"I know you're together now but the less time we spend together the more time he spends alive. He is being more annoying than I ever thought was possible. Besides he hasn't been able to help at all on this case. Just leave the actual detective work to the detectives, which just happens to be us O'Hara, alright?"

"Ohhhhkay. Another bad day Carlton?" Chief Vick asked as she stalked up to the lead detective.

"Chief! No, I was just…."

"Well less complaining and solve this case! I have the mayor calling me every half hour looking for updates and I am getting incredibly tired of telling him that the only updates are that another house was hit. Figure it out and arrest someone! Use whatever resources you need. Including Spencer."

As Chief Vick went back into her office, Lassiter and Juliet could see the annoyance on her face when her phone began ringing. As the Chief slammed her door, Lassiter turned to Juliet. "Ok O'Hara. What happened this time that didn't happen in the other occurrences?"

"The only difference is that they attacked the owner. They usually strike when the owner's aren't home. The attackers went specifically for the owner."

"Maybe it was a vendetta," a voice from behind the detectives said, making them both jump. They whirled around and there was the coffee shop lady holding a few cups of coffee.

"Excuse me. Can I help you with anything miss? This is a police station so if you don't have any police business, we are going to have to ask you to leave," Carlton ground out.

"Carlton! You don't have to be rude! She brought us coffee," Juliet quickly interrupted when she saw the hurt expression on the woman's face. "I'm Detective Juliet O'Hara, pleased to meet you. And you are?"

"Huh? Oh sorry I'm Lorelai Copper. You can call me Lai. I'm just gonna drop the coffee that _was ordered_ on your desk and leave. I'm obviously not wanted around here. See you later." Lorelai put the coffee down except for one cup and started to walk out of the room. Carlton grabbed the cup out of her hands and said one word. "Mine." Lorelai's face grew red and she turned around and did a quick step out of the station.

"Carlton that was so mean! She's just the coffee lady that Buzz called and has been for about a month. You're so suspicious! Maybe she's right though, and the family does have a vendetta against the victim. I'll start checking on it. Carlton?"

Lassiter was too busy staring at his coffee cup to realize that Jules was talking to him. There was writing on his cup. _Maybe something telling him to go screw off, or maybe telling him it's poisoned and to drink it to end his perpetual grumpiness_, he thought.

"Carlton? Why are you staring at your cup?" Jules asked as she leaned towards him. "And what does _I'm sorry for last night. How does morrow at 4:30 sound_ mean? Did you ask her out?"

Carlton didn't answer her as a big smile grew on his face and then immediately dropped and turned to fear. _Oh shit! I have a date!_


	5. Chapter 5

Well I have a little reprieve and am procrastinating. Should be doing the homework that is piling up but eh writing sounds more fun! Oh and thank you people who have been reviewing! You know who you are and you make my day! This chapter is kinda giving a little more back story on Miss Copper and might be kinda boring. Apologies all around but in the happy news the date is in the next chapter! But sucky for you it won't be for a few weeks cuz I really do have to study. Hope you enjoy!

Still don't own anything but I'm waiting on a return letter from Santa!

_Stupid stupid stupid! How could I be so stupid? Mentioning a possible connection between the family and the rat bastard Thomas O'Malley and _then _asking out the lead detective! I am a traitor to my roots. They would kill me straight out if they knew. Mom would be the one to do it because Dad wouldn't be able to. Betraying you family is unacceptable. Your family is everything. I remember that damn quote Mom would spout off at every little moment. Hell I hear it in my dreams._

Lorelai was sitting at the bar looking forlorn into her drink_. I never should have come back, been making way to many mistakes._

"Woah! Sad faces! I'm getting that the challenge got denied huh?" Shawn Spencer sat in the chair next to her. "Tough break. I was loving the idea of double dates and vacationing to a boat to fish!"

"I truly have no idea what you're babbling about, but between the two of us cut the bullshit. I know you're not psychic. Don't believe in them and you're too observant for me to believe that your head is flying in the spirit world," Lorelai replied.

"Ouch I'm hurt. But I'm thinking that you're not all that you are cracked up to be either. The names Spencer, Shawn Spencer and absolutely no relations to the balding Henry Spencer," he said as he held his hand out. Lorelai shook his hand before replying, "huh. I heard he was your father."

"Oh yeah? And you bear a striking resemblance to the Artemis family."

Lorelai looked at him quickly and started for a few seconds before sighing. "Been out of the family business for eight years. Just came back to Santa Barbara about a year ago. Hypothetically speaking of course." Shawn quirked his eyebrow at her. "And no I have nothing to do with the robberies so don't even think it." She finished the rest of her beer before signaling the bartender for another. "So why lie to the police and say you're a psychic? Is it that hard to just tell them that you're really observant?"

"Got arrested for calling in tips and getting rewards and it just happened to pop into my head. They told me that I'd be locked up if I was lying and it's easier to say that I'm psychic than to tell people that I'm really observant. It stops people from asking me what hats are in the room."

"Sure. Lorelai Copper. And before you ask, yes it is a fake name." She paused. "It's nice to talk to someone who isn't a teddy bear that knows my secret. I really don't know why I'm telling _you_ this but if you tell anyone I will find you and I will _hurt _you." She laughed at the scared look he gave her.

"The only person I told was Gus and I think that he's scared of you so you really don't have to worry and hurt me!"

"Yeah maybe so, but even talking to you about it was a mistake."

They both stayed quiet and stared ahead as they drank. "I asked Lassiter out on a coffee cup. Not the best idea I guess, with him investigating my family and that fun angry vibe he always has going on. But he is endearing don't you think?" She stared at her empty glass again. _Why the hell not. Shitty day so I might as well get drunk_, and she ordered another beer. She looked at Shawn and had to laugh at his expression of horror.

"Stop right there! I don't want to hear any more! Love talk about Lassie is off limits!" Shawn sputtered.

Lorelai laughed and said, "fair enough. So why are you talking to me?"

"Well I was thinking a partnership. I can't for the life of me figure out how they do it and you know all the nitty gritty details about what they do and how they do it. You can help take them down without actually being near them."

"You make an interesting offer but what makes you think that I want to take the Artemis family down?"

"You disappeared eight years ago, completely off the radar and supposedly after a huge job. I heard that you were pretty angry with your family when your boyfriend was killed in a home invasion while you were doing a job. You took the next job by yourself and then split before giving the shiny loot to your family. Ringing any bells or hitting any nerves?" He saw her face. "Please don't hurt me!"

Lorelai just continued to stare at him. "That's an interesting story but not quite true. If it was the truth it would mention how her boyfriend was an undercover cop investigating the family, and how it was common knowledge to everyone but her. The parents decided to take care of loose ends and had him killed while she was otherwise occupied. She didn't find out anything until after she got back from the heist later that night. Hypothetically of course."

"Hypothetically. I see. Well that sure is depressing so to brighten you up would you like to share a pineapple with me?" The psychic asked as he brought out a pineapple with a big red ribbon on it. "It's fresh and so yummy!"

She laughed. "You sure don't like to dwell on sad things, but I'll pass. I just need to be alone for a while and wallow in my self pity. I'm sure that I will be seeing you around." Her phone began to ring. "Who is this? Can't I just spend one night in a drunken stupor and think about sad things," she said before answering. "Hello? Oh hey." A pause. "Yeah it was all good. I know you're full of grumpiness. Shawn Spencer says hi by the way." Another pause. "Surely your parents didn't teach you to talk like that!" She laughed. "Well if you still want to go to dinner and you're absolutely groveling and apologizing then we can meet up tomorrow. Talk to you later. Oh and wear something yummy!" She hung up and laughed. "Way better mood now!"

Shawn laughed with her before getting up. "I'm out of here, but there is a guy staring at you by the door. He's been there watching since I came in. Should I call Lassie to come save his Timmy?"

"No. Just a face from the past. Go ahead and go home or wherever you roost for the night." She forced a smile. "I'll be just fine. Go."

Shawn shot her a worried look as he walked off. The man from the door walked over to the seat that the psychic had just vacated, brushing his brown hair out of his face, before sitting down. "So the prodigal returns eh? You really angered the parents when you up and disappeared and took the money. You should be happy that it was me seeing you first. Others would have called this in and your life would have been moot."

Lorelai looked at the man that closely resembled her, everything but the eyes. His were a dark brown and looked cold, while hers were blue and green filled with anger. "Happy, little Lucy? I left for a reason. Came back because I realized that I don't have to hide from people like you. I have a life to live. Go ahead and call Victor and Helen. They money is already gone and spent. I'll just be another body on their rap sheet and another body for them to get rid of."

The man's face grew angrier. "The name is Lucien. Lucy was a young kid who looked up to his big sister, but when she left he had to grow up. You betrayed me and our family. We heard stories that people had spotted you here, but we didn't think that you were this stupid. But then you did date a cop and almost get us arrested. Your free pass is gone."

"Free pass? Ha. That's some funny shit coming from a little screw up like you. I carried you for five years and took the blame when you fucked up." She was starting to get worked up and then looked at Lucien with a solemn face. "You know what? I'm not dealing with this. Stay out of my way and jump in front of a bus Lucy." Lorelai stood up and threw money on the bar for her drinks before storming out of the bar.

Lucien pulled out his phone and dialed. "We got a problem. She's back."


End file.
